🧠 RankWorks Announces Strategic Intention to Consider Possibly Buying OpenAI (At Some Point)

Press Release

RankWorks, a dynamic leader in SEO and AI marketing innovation, today announced that it has begun informal, internal discussions about the potential future acquisition of OpenAI, the globally renowned artificial intelligence company.

While no formal talks have taken place, and there are currently no plans, resources, or realistic paths to do so, RankWorks leadership believes this bold hypothetical move reflects the company’s unwavering commitment to thinking way outside the box.

Strategic Rationale

The proposed acquisition, which exists exclusively in the form of an internal Slack thread and a few enthusiastic GIFs, would theoretically allow RankWorks to:

• Accelerate AI-driven marketing innovation
• Leverage advanced language models to handle all future brainstorming sessions
• Deploy AGI to generate SEO reports overnight, while human employees enjoy full REM cycles

“Our team is always exploring ambitious opportunities,” said a RankWorks spokesperson. “And while buying OpenAI may be financially ambitious, it’s exactly this kind of forward-thinking imagination that drives our culture.”

Financial Outlook

A preliminary internal budget review identified “something resembling” petty cash, one half-used Starbucks gift card, and three ergonomic chairs (people can stand) as potential deal sweeteners. While these assets may not match OpenAI’s estimated multi billion dollar valuation, RankWorks remains “optimistically flexible” in its approach.

“We understand valuation is complex,” said the Head of Strategic Daydreaming. “But sometimes, value can’t be measured in dollars alone. Sometimes, it’s measured in SEO mentions for the word disruptive.”

Operational Synergies

If successful, the hypothetical acquisition is expected to yield transformative synergies, including but not limited to:

• Automated ticket support via ChatGPT before customers finish typing
• Flawless SEO strategy generation powered by AGI overnight
• AI attendance in meetings, ensuring every follow-up email is sent (for once)

Forward-Looking Statements

This press release contains forward-looking statements, including RankWorks’ intent to “consider possibly” acquiring OpenAI at an undetermined future date. These statements involve risks, uncertainties, and a healthy dose of sarcasm. Actual events may differ materially from those expressed or implied herein.

About RankWorks

RankWorks is a forward-thinking digital marketing company dedicated to innovation, creativity, and occasionally entertaining the idea of buying global AI companies over lunch. Our SaaS platform is an all in one marketing solution that helps SME’s consolidate their marketing tools in one place and grow their visibility online. We specialize in SEO, performance marketing, and crafting strategies that make big waves (and bigger memes).

For more information, please contact:

Media Relations

press@rankworks.com